Uncategorized, ADJUSTMENTS, ADULT, 1 ST. LOVE, ALONE, ABOUT

Should I? Or shouldn’t I?

I have been thinking. Should I go looking for a woman? Or not? 

With a woman! I’d have to share. W/o! I can have it all to myself.

The joys of being single again!

Granited! No sex! But! You cannot have 1! W/o the other.

I would love to establish a friendship with a woman. And see where it develops!

I can remember when I was a teenager. Sex with the last thing on my mind. I just wanted a girl that I can do what we used to call rapping in the backseat of a car. The stuff that the rock group Journey things about. Hugging, touching, squeezing, kissing each other. No sex either! In my day was not the point at least with me. Other guys Numero Uno! 

As far as shacking up goes? I’m still not sure about that one. 🤔

When you spent close to 40 years! Being married to a wife who just happens to be? An abusive narcissist! In Drag!

I keep thinking of to Elton John songs. 1. Someone Saved My Life Tonight. 2. No sacrifice. 

I have found that a narcissist always trying to maintain a certain self image of themselves. They try to be the most absolute perfection to a fault. Blameless! people (if you can call them that!) I unfortunately! Have gotten to know.

Why does it always seem like? I find myself encountering! Or being surrounded by narcissists of every type in time and amount of. 

That’s one thing that sort of stopped me in my tracks. The other? What if this one doesn’t work out?

I really don’t have enough standards to really maintain. Type and kind of woman?

I would prefer a younger woman. Someone who does take excellent care of herself. Someone who knows about love!

The ex! Clearly did not!

Although! I have met some mature women. They have been very delightful very Charming. But unfortunately! Some of those women have tattoos as well as these young people!

I’ve always said! That have God wanted me to wear body pains and piercings if you wanted me to wear body pains he would have turn me into a billboard. If he wanted me to wear body piercings will turn me into a kiosk at some department store!

If you the right woman? Is that there? Write to me here and we’ll see what develops? 😀😎🤔

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ADJUSTMENTS, ADULT, ALONE, CHANGES, ENJOYMENT, FREEDOM, LIFE, LIVING, NARCISSIST, RELATIONSHIP, Uncategorized

NOW! I AM NOT SO SURE!

If I want to get married again!

It’s been three years! Since the split! As some of you may know. The ex and I have divorced. During that time. The conversion was hard. Simply because that is what she wanted me to go through, thinking that I would suffer and cannot make it on my own without her. Little does she know!

But during those three years. I have come to enjoy myself a lot! Being able to do things, buy things and so on. That when I was with them! The ex made extremely sure I did not get or do what I wanted. A few months ago! Not only is she a narcissist! But! An abusive narcissist! In “Drag”! The one thing that kinda stops me in my tracks is just that!

We all! Have our own way of thinking, believing what a relationship is. And that is where we divide. Men think they know! Women think they know!

For me! It does take two to make it work!

It’s just that! From what I went through! It may be years! Before I do decide to find someone.

“I’M IN NO HURRY!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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ABUSE, ADJUSTMENTS, ADULT, ALONE, BENEIFITS, LIFE, Uncategorized

&! SHE THOUGHT I WOULD NOT (MAKE IT!) SURVIVE!

On 09/01/2014!

 

The ex (wishful thinking at this point!) thought I would not make it. This is what happens when you are married to an abusive narcissist! They are mostly found in men. Some women as well.

They are mostly found in men. Some women as well. Abusive narcissist makes you think, feel, believe! You cannot do a thing without them. Little did she know! With the help of my “half” sister. I was able to reprogram and convert to the single life again. It was hard! But I made it!

I can! Eat, drink, smoke, get whatever I want! Without her telling me; badlyThat’s too expensive”! “That! Will shoot up your blood sugar”! The list is endless!

No more! Arguments, yelling, screaming, hollering all from out of nowhere! The abusive narcissist will start things and accuse you of anything/everything. They love to blame the spouse for doing this! Doing that! But do not you blame them fo the crap they do/says! They do want to hear of it. Even though they create their own problems and blame you for it.

I know! She has told her brother and sisters how dumb I am. How bad I treated her (when it’s the other way around!). They love to make them look good! While mouthing you behind your back, sometimes in front of you.

I have seen what is called “The family portrait”! She stands out bigger than the capital rotunda! That’s because! When we were expecting kids! And after. She let herself go! That’s why! Even her dad nagged her about losing it. In one ear! Out the other!

Now! I do not have to go through all that!

It does have its moments. Where it does get lonely at times. But! None of her to be had.

Has all this made me bitter? I do not think so!

Although! It has made me even more cautious in finding someone. All because of the “abusive narcissist”!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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ABUSE, ADJUSTMENTS, ADULT, ALONE, BUMMER!, CHANGES, CRAP, DECLINE, HUSBAND,, MARRIAGE, MARRIAGE, CRIME, MURDER, DIVORCE,, NARCISSIST, PROBLEMS, RELATIONSHIP, RELATIONSHIPS, SLAVEMASTER, Uncategorized, WAR, WARS,, WHY?, WIFE

WHAT DOES IT TAKE? TO GET OUT OF AN ABUSIVE NARSSISTIC RELATIONSHIP?

 

I spent over 40 years in one! The ex! Nearly had me thinking, believing. I could not survive/live without her. Somehow I knew I could. The one too many things! About abusive narcissists are! They sat one thing but mean the other. They abusively “LIE” to a point it’s like an addiction with then. They lie so perfection to a fault that! Other fellow narcissists do not that the people they meet, talk to are “carbon copies” of them as well. They will believe in what they tell them and think nothing of it!

I had a so-called friend (if? He can be called that!) is a narcissist as well. I told both of them. If they ever got together and hit it off! In time! They would go at each other’s throats! And try killing one another! That is how much both of them have in one another. Both of them laughed at it. Normal!

No matter how much narcissism they have. You cannot tell them they are. Because they think they do not have any of it. They may know the word. But! They do not know the ingredients of it.

As unfortunate things do happen. All those years! She antagonized, harassed, pressured me. To do something. At the same time! She knew that I would not lay a hand on her. Then! Came the time! I could not take it at all!!!!!!

She ran her mouth off one too many times. She got What she came looking and wanted! I had the absolute. No choice! I slapped her! It could have been much worse! Considering the abuse I encountered and taken from her. Even I know that.

That was the one! She found me a place to live. Oddly enough!

To this day! I still wonder why? Did she even bother to reconnect with me and get married? No love at all. She pretended to be in love with me. There was nothing! That can/could be called love at all.

All I could think is this. When she and I got back together. I had a job, money, car, investments.

Her! A box that she called her “hope chest. AKA? “Pisspot poor!” And she did not like it one bit!

It’s very hard for a woman who is in one. To get out of it. For me? She made it seem like it was. The conversion was hard! But! I made it!

That one question will always remain! Why? Do they do it?

 

 

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ADJUSTMENTS, ADULT, ALONE, BLOG, Uncategorized, WOMEN, WOMAN,

DO I REALLY WANT ANOTHER WOMAN IN MY LIFE? “I’M NOT GAY!”

 

After living with a narcissist for over 40 years. I have begun to think: “Do I really want another woman in my life?

All those years of being married to,”Lucifer’s daughter!

I am still thinking about it.At this point! Living with a woman is would be nice. But! Because of her. She has made me think seriously about if marriage is what I want to try again?

It’s not so much the “Narcissism” part of it. It’s more.

The way some women are with this mentality, attitude about themselves and how “they think” Of how a relationship should be or is. That becomes the problem in “their”relationship with their man.

I do not want to go down the endless list of what “she” thinks. Not enough “toilet paper” to go around for that!
I know in general! Men do not compromise. But women (not all!) do.

Some try to “copy” their relationship to be just like their parents is. Some do not. In some way! I believe that. Women think more with their hearts than with their minds. Why? IDK?

But if I did decide to do so?

Would she have to have? Looks, style, shape, and! Have an excellent mind on her as well. Also! She has to be younger than I!,

I know! It sounds weird! Me! Wanting a woman who has an excellent mind!!!!! Why not? I believe that! A real, true woman has a lot to give and talk about in a relationship! Notice! I said Real, true woman! Their women! And then! There are women!!!!!

It all depends on whom they want to become as well as what they want to make of themselves.,

It’s not a tall order at all!

After over 40 years of complete “NOTHING!”

The time has come me to take my time and find her. Not lowering my specs as who she has to be? I did that! It got me nowhere fast!

And you thought I had on the one thing! Like all the other guys do?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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ADJUSTMENTS, ADULT, ALONE, BATCHLOR, DIVORCE, FREEDOM, LIVING, LOST ART, MARRIAGE, Uncategorized

HERE’S A PEEK INTO MY LIFE!

Ever since my one sister & I split!

I have slowly gotten my life back! But! I do thank her for being there for me. I do apologize! For the things, I said to still!!!!

My day begins with checking the email, news online, checking the bank rates for the highest rate available.

I had to find another bank because! Of a problem with at that time. The problem I had with it. And I did.

I found an online bank that offers “INTEREST” on checking accounts. No min. balances, no maintenance fees!

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From what I went through with the ex! I have to say that! I am getting into it!

My son comes over two times a month. Have lunch, watch GSN, talk does my laundry for me.

Most of the time! I watch tv, the net, go to bed!

The hard part about it is? Trying to forget about the past and move on! I think it’s because. I spent way!!!!!!!! Too long with them!

I am building my life once again. Without them! I held out hope for one too many years! with the ex.

I know! she is so very scared “SHITLESS” to get the divorce papers drawn up. Because of what she said & did to me!

NOW! I have to concentrate! On what I want! Instead of what I don’t want.

The women around here are not too bad at all! Diversity! Being what it is!

“ENJOY! YOUR “FREEDOM”! WHILE YOU CAN!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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ADJUSTMENTS, ADULT, ALONE, BACHELOR, DIVORCE, ENJOYMENT, EXPRESSION, FREEDOM, MARRIAGE, MISTAKE, NARSISST, SEPERATION, TRANSGENDER, Uncategorized

THE LIFE & TIMES OF A SEMI-BATCHELOR “THE SEQUEL! “MAYBE?”

So far! I have! Fallen inside my apt.! Had a hip replaced on my right side, broken my right shoulder. Working on my 3rd. year here. Got rid of the bugs that I had when I moved in on my own.

STILL! Married to her! But not for long!

My oldest son. Is still coming over & doing my laundry and having lunch twice a month.

Her! “still!!!!!” the same!

Gender bender! Fmr. my daughter now! An “IT!” still listens to her mom! More the pity!

I find that I am getting hit up! By lovely young women! Y? IDK?

I just started buying new clothes for myself. And on my 3rd. cell phone (long story!).

On the splitz! With my other sister (another long story!).

I find myself going to  “Aldi’s a lot, GFS, Walmart.

On occasion! I do smoke my cigars! No cheapies (plastic holder that come with those “cheap” cigars that young people will buy just to look sophisticated!). or aromatic!

Drink whatever I want!

Buy! whatever I want!

 

When you’re single! You think:”Is this all there is?” Then! You get married! And you start to think:”you know?” “single life was not all that bad after all!” Then separation/divorce comes.

Then! When you’re on your own! YES! My rediscovered freedom is here!

There is no such thing as? “New found freedom!”

You did not lose it! It was there all along!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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